Friday, October 6, 2017

Jack's Journey Through The Junior Year: Stop Dabbing

BY: Jack Tagliamonte

Stop dabbing. It's trash. It's been a year and no one finds it funny, or good, or anything. There's a real problem here and dabbing has become a big one in the United States, nay, the world. The only country that really understands the cringe factor of dabbing is Saudi Arabia; they made dabbing illegal and it's probably the best thing that they could do in this situation. Think of it, what's worse than dabbing... the Holocaust, North Korea, Trump being President, sure, but there's something that may get up on the list, little children dabbing.

Children dabbing is the lowest of low that children could do other than making a Youtube channel of them recording their TV with their iPhone 4 while playing Minecraft on their Playstation 3. It's not only the biggest disrespect I've ever received from a child, I pray that they repent and see the lord's light and live the rest of their lives in peace and harmony without the need to dab on the haters.

But I don't only have a problem with children dabbing, I have a problem with all dabbing. It has this power over everyone, every one of those bad Youtube dance videos has at least one dab and the cameraman just has this jolt of regret.

There are few other things that hit the right buttons in just the right spot to make me curl up and wish I was never born; children overall. I hate their singing, their dancing, their God awful Youtube videos (Like please parents just make sure your child doesn't touch Youtube until they're 45), chalkboards and fingernails, and pineapple on pizza. They're all the worst things I could imagine other than half spider half cat riding a dragon. Really, I can be passionate about some things, mainly this: this homecoming. If I see anyone dabbing I will just leave and go to Taco Bell for the rest of the night and just hope that if I eat enough Cheesy Gordita Crunches I could forget that I saw a high schooler moronically dab.

This may sound repetitive, but I just need to drill it into your head. Stop. Dabbing. It will never be good, it can't be good, and it's beyond the point of repair. Also stop with the backpack kid dance, it just freaks me out.

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